Operation Iraqi Freedom - Words From My Son

Today was like many other days, I am going through sorting, filing and trashing things that I no longer need or feel that are relevant to my life.

Once again, I pick up a small green notebook that Bo had carried with him throughout his duty in Iraqi.  I can honestly not tell you how many times I have just touched the cover, gently running my fingers over the words and pictures he had drawn there.

At the moment  I am caught in the depths of grief.  It is just part of the time of year, the death of D and Bo.  Living without them in my daily life.  It is my way of life.  You can't wish it away, pray it away or ignore it.  You just have to ride the waves until you crash on shore or are rescued by time.

Today, as I opened the book, I really looked inside, really read some of his notes and descriptions and then I found it.  A short essay he had written about the war..  It seemed as if  GOD gifted me my sons words to help me.  Not because I had issues with the Iraq war, but for no other reason than to truly feel Bo's presence as I read his words.  I am proud of the son, the man and the soldier he was and always will be.

There is so much more in "Bo's Book", AAR's, list of his soldiers, their strengths, weaknesses, descriptions of suspects and goals to be achieved.  It's Bo's Book of Army !

 April 3rd, it will be 6 years since I buried my only child, today he stood tall right beside me and shared his life with me from the combat zone of Iraq.  I remain a proud supporter of our military and all they stand for.

I typed this story exactly as it was written.

Bo's War Story !

April 2003

My Fellow Americans,

I wish to convey a message to you.  A message of courage and strength, of perseverance and dedication.  No, I will not tell you of heroes and medals but of a people who are not free.  They have been beaten and raped, tortured and killed.  Now they do as they please in their own cities and streets.  This will not talk of oil and chemicals, but merely of the elderly to the petite.

Before the war several people in the world said why are we going, what’s the purpose, who’s the real demon?  Several “experts” stated we were going for oil, to make ourselves richer and that the prisoners and opponents are the demons.  There are no chemical weapons or unjust doings.  Just saddam and his people hurt by the sanctions and the greed but our president continuously stated “the Iraqi people shall be freed !”

Several media agencies groaned and complained, “They won’t show you the war !” and the UN couldn’t agree on what to do.  Yet the British, American, and Australian governments all agreed something had to be done.  They tried convincing the world by using PowerPoint and photos but no one was home.

Now I am here to tell you why an American flag is seen flying in the sands of Iraq.  My name is Soldier.  My age is 17-58.  My rank is not important.  Just know I am just like all of you.  I am where the boots meet the sand and the reality hits the soul.  War is not something I’d put in the news.  It is not fought from a TV screen and your don’t care if it is ABC or NBC.

We aren’t securing oil fields or weapons factories.  WE aren’t scouting the country looking for the one thing to convict Saddam.  WE are clearing school and mosques so people can learn and pray.  Clearing out men who have taken children from homes and their parents to fight for something they don’t believe in.  

I have seen grown men cry from joy to not be beaten and more.  I have seen thousands of Iraqi’s lining the street to say thanks” and shake the hands of those who risked their lives for those they don’t know.  Now they work again, play soccer and can live freely in their own land.

You want evidence look in the faces of the children from south and north.  And when you see old Glory flying know she is not conquering she is freeing.  So stand proud and together, join the support and help some people who have nothing but a dream to become free.  Instead of fighting against us, fight with us.  Volunteer to help build a country and feed the hungry.  I guarantee the best security you will ever find in the world.  And who knows you might make a friend.

In conclusion I - 

(he never finished this thought - 7 years later he would be killed stateside but his life and legacy lives on.)

SFC James “Bo” Swearingen

The Death of a Family

Sixteen years ago today after taking care of my Mother - In - Law around the clock for a week, she left this life to enter into Heaven's gates.  It was a labor of love because she and I had a relationship that had grown into one of love and admiration over the years.  I did not realize at the time but her death was the beginning of the end of the family I knew and loved.

D loved his mother with great dedication, joy and tremendous pain.  Her failing health for the five years prior to her death made his connection to her all the more important.  We would praise GOD for the good times and cry in the difficult.

When D's Dad was in the hospital, I was the one who took time off work to take care of his Mom. For years after her death I took care of D's Dad during and after surgeries, illnesses and hospitalizations.  I did these because I believed we were family and for no other reason.

After D's death, I became another tragedy of his death.  The family I once belonged to closed ranks around each other and I became separated from that family.  A family that I had been a part of for over 25 years.

Birthday's and holidays come and go.  I am no longer the hostess of such events, nor am I
invited to any of these events.  Am I bitter.....at times, but I realize now that I was always just an outsider accepted only for the duration of my sweet D's life.

Was it their grief at the death of D that made it easier to shut me out or was it my own grief that prevented me from continuing to put myself in their lives?

So today I will remember my sweet times with D's Mom, D and his Dad.  Thankful for the blessings, the love, the fun and the sadness of it all.

Today I am stronger, more determined and more at peace with the death of the family that once was. Today I realize that I as long as I am a child of HIS family I have no need for anything else.

The Lost Art of the Thank You Note

It's simple really, someone gives you a gift, you say "Thank You."  Someone sends you a gift you send a "Thank You" card or note.  It doesn't have to be extravagant, it doesn't have to be wordy, but it does have to occur.

My next door neighbor has the art of "thank you" down pat.  She sends me the sweetest notes in the mail just for a recipe, a gesture, a book.  She never lets any kindness go unrewarded and for that I thank her.

Today most kids and adults alike do not bother to send thank you notes.  It is a lost art. Brides and grooms never send thank you cards for gifts received, graduates ignore the money or gifts they were given and children never write thank you for money received.

Not me, I was raised by a mother who found importance in thanking those who gift to you.  We always had to sit down after Christmas and write thank you's for the gifts we had received and she would mail them for us.

Bo and Jill were taught the same.  It wasn't an easy task to accomplish, it was a chore but one they had to do for years.  At times I  have made Ian and Carter Dean write thank you notes for gifts from my friends.

Sometimes I forgot I admit and it makes me mad when I see someone that I should have sent a thank you to and I have to apologize profusely for my failure.

The hardest thank you's I have ever written were the ones for the kindness, flowers, food etc. that we received after Bo and Lori were killed as well as after D died.  Those took months, but it was important to me to express my deep gratitude to those who had and still love me enough to reach out in anyway.

Times are changing people say, but manners shouldn't.  So, your Christmas, Birthday and Happy's may be changing too.  Let me just say "Thank You" for not expecting another gift from some of us. Our gift giving manners are changing too.

I hope you enjoy, and remember your previous gifts fondly because they probably won't be arriving this year.

Thank You ! 

No Justice For Maurice Isaiah Torres !

My blood pressure was probably off the charts this morning when I read that the attorney's for the Torres want to postpone their trial for capital murder because they haven't been able to talk to people in California and El Salvador about the Torres.

What the HECK ?  These so called parents raped, tortured and evidently killed this beautiful child after chronic child abuse.  They should have no rights.  No rights for free legal representation, no rights for delays in trial and due process.  They should have not rights and go straight to the gates of hell.  I know that final judgement is not mine and I pray for forgiveness for my feelings about this believe me.

There is no room in my world for these type of people.  Yes, we live in a free nation, with the assumption of innocent until proven guilty.  They were proven guilty by the evidence already before us.  I am sick that this child suffered repeatedly and these people got a thrill out of it.

Who cares what people in California and El Salvador have to say about them.  I for one don't.  Our legal system is so bogged down by this kind of crap that those who deserve a trial and representation, those falsely accused go punished without a chance to prove their innocence because there is no one to represent them.

What would happen if the evil and the guilty would just take responsibility for their actions?  We have raised a society and live in a country that is always easier to blame someone else that admit "I Did It !".

A person walks into a bank points a gun and attempts to rob them.  They are captured without harm to anyone.  Instead of everyone saying "You're guilty"  they "Plead Not Guilty" and spend days, weeks, months and years incarcerated before they then go to trial only to be postponed, delayed etc.
Was there any doubt they were guilty "NO !!!"  Take responsibility and admit you did it.  Take your punishment and learn from it.

Does everyone has the ability to change and be rehabilitated.  I don't know, what I do know is if we
don't reverse some of this nonsense, quit being a land of entitlement and grow up, the criminals will continue to gain more freedoms, liberties and rights than the innocent.

Martin Luther King - Must Be Having Nightmares By Now !

Martin Luther King was a visionary.  A man who believed that the world could be a better place with the simplest efforts of treating one another with love and not hate.

The legacy he wanted for his children doesn't seem to have happened most days.  His own family fighting over the spoils of his short life.  Who gets his Bible and what will they do with it.  Death cut short the lifetime of changes he hoped to create and leave for them and us.

I do not believe for one moment that this man would embrace "Black Lives Matter" or the                Al Sharpton's of today.  Mr. King wanted equality, compassion and love for all regardless of who we are.

Martin Luther King would be preaching and teaching the Lord's work and trying hard to eliminate waste, prejudice and HATE !
Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land . . . So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man.
-- "I've Been to the Mountaintop" speech, April 3, 1968 (the day before his assassination)

He would be having nightmares at the hate that has overtaken our world.  The gang bangers, cop killers, rapist, muslim terrorists and so many other wrong things in today's world.



If you are a true supporter and believer in equal rights, take a page out of MLK's teachings and live like you want to make a difference in the world.

Let other's see Jesus in you in everything you do.  From Facebook posts, jokes, political remarks, comments to others.  No matter who you are, your actions effect others.

One day at a time - nothing but love and compassion starting today.  Are you up to the challenge?

"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Oscar Nominees - One More Reflection of Racism - NOT !!!

The headlines today reads - The acting categories were again filled entirely by white performers.  
Once more the media and press light up the fires with their headlines and insinuations.  Free speech at it's best.

Now we are suppose to believe that the overindulgent, overpaid, self absorbed actors and actresses are being neglected, forgotten and not recognized because of the color of their skin.
OH MY GOSH !!!  This is just one more way to push a racism card that does not need to be pushed.

People of all races, religions, sexes and whatever the latest and greatest buzz word in Hollywood is are not being selected for whatever reason.  Why, oh, why didn't they say we are so proud and excited for the talented actors and actresses that were nominated for the Oscars.

I for one am sick and tired of the race, religion and sexual orientation card being thrown around. Maybe, just maybe the nominees were the actual best in their category and maybe with shock and awe you might believe no one was looking at their skin color but rather the merits of their performances.

Look for in the White House to interject somewhere in here how disappointing they are in Hollywood because of the blatant racism being demonstrated.

Going to or watching movies is not something I do very often and this is just another reason why. Hollywood is as phony as the movies they produce.

I don't look at a persons skin color when I watch a movie, I watch the movie for entertainment value only.  I haven't seen any of these movies so I can't speak to whether or not a non white person would have been better for the role.

There will probably be boycotts, protesters from various organizations and more BS hype about this in the coming days.

Since when does the color of our skin determine the quality of job performance whether in Hollywood, the private sector or the military?  Anywhere for that matter.

What I can tell you is that I for one will be sitting on pins and needles until Oscar night - NOT !!!

The Dark of the Night !

There is a dark in the night that is so extremely different from the lightness of the day.  It sucks you in and transports you into another world.  It is the darkness in my soul that raises it's head and opens my mind to so many twists and turns that when I awaken I am exhausted.  I feel as if I have been in the vortex of a tornado.

Why?  What is the purpose of my soul being opened up and the deepest places in my heart and mind being reviewed before my shut eyes?  I just want to sleep and forget about those things.  It is not to be.

Does the dark of your soul ever awaken you and say "Why?", "What", "How could you?".  Mine does and the places I go are not always pretty.  The quick smart responses to someone's genuine question. The hidden hurts inside of me that go unnoticed by others but attack me at every opportunity forcing me to revisit and revisit things of the past that are better left untouched.  The dark emotions that prevent me from being open about the pain and suffering my soul is experiencing.

In the darkness of the dark, I find myself turning and reviewing my life.  Am I doing enough for the LORD?, Am I where HE desires for me to be?, How can I serve HIM more completely?, and the all important one "What am I doing to leave a legacy of HIS love for others?.

The dark keeps me from seeing HIS light.  It carries me to places where the evil one can attack and keep me from seeing HIS real purpose.  I struggle with the dark, with the things that are revealed to me and my countless failures to do and be better.

Fear takes over for if I revealed the true dark thoughts and emotions of my soul, I would scare others away.  If they knew the thoughts that cross my mind sometimes they would not recognize me.

When the dark of my soul threatens the light of my life, I pray.  I turn to the ONE and talk to HIM. There is nothing about me that HE doesn't already know, nothing about me that HE won't forgive and nothing to keep HIM from loving me.

So, I will carry the dark of my soul into the night knowing that when and where the evil one attacks, the LIGHT of the World will rescue not only my soul, but my heart and mind as well.

Gun Control vs Mental Health !

One of the big stories in the news today was the arrest and seizure of drugs, cash and guns from a local man's home.

From the news report it appeared from the very onset this was a person with questionable mental faculties.  Meeting the deputy at your door with a gun on the floor, cash protruding out of your bathrobe pockets and "hearing someone in your house".  As well as admitting to having PTSD.

This is a convicted felon, with multiple guns, drugs and excessive cash.  He was taken to the NW Medical Center and on to the Veteran's Affairs Medical Center for treatment.  Later he was booked into the Washington County Jail and released on $50,000.00 bail.

Do you wonder if the bail money was drug money?  Why wasn't he kept for treatment on his disorder?  Who made the decision that he was okay to go to jail and then home?

The rest of the story is unknown and I am not Paul Harvey, but for me the greatest crime here is letting a mentally disturbed individual return to an environment he felt was unsafe.  It was that initial fear that led police to discover this horrific drug and gun operation.

It is not the fault of the police, it is a much bigger problem.  To many lawyers writing to many laws and expecting those who serve and protect to follow every crossed T and dotted I.  Not enough physicians to recognize and effectively treat mental illness.  To many rules and to little common sense.

This man is a criminal with a mental illness.  It is evident when just looking at the minimal facts, but it probably take over 10 years for any of this to work itself out in our current court system.  Why, because of the continual delays in trial dates, funding and staffing issues at the state hospital and overburdened justice system.


A friend of mine is severely mentally ill and has been in the county jail for over 18 months for a crime he committed during one of his episodes.  Yes, he is guilty, but the fact remains he needs to be in a treatment center getting meds and care.  He should never be on the streets again because of his behavior and history, but jail is not the place for him and the enforcement officers are not trained medical personal.


So.......does this make me want to see increasing gun control guidelines, NO !  But I am a believer in supporting of mental health funding now more than ever.  Step up and be counted once again.  Call the White House, your elected officials or send emails and voice you support for better mental health care for all of us.

Videotape Or Call 911 ? Our Cellphone Obsessions

Reading the paper today there was an article about a mailman who was chased and taunted while on his route.  A video from a witness captured this incident as not one but four teenage boys assaulted this man.  There was no record or mention if the person videotaping had intervened on behalf of the mail carrier !!!

You see this over and over again in the news - videos shot of assaults, murders, fires, robberies and then posted for everyone to watch, expecting people to be in awe of your attempts to get the most profound scenes on camera.

When is it better to film an assault than to call 911 ? When is it better to stand on the sidelines and film an accident than to try to provide assistance to someone in need ?  When is it better to video than stop a negative action with positive intervention?  I say "NEVER !"

WE can not stand on the sidelines continuing to allow thugs and irresponsible people take over our world.  If you are afraid, call 911 and get out of the area.  If you are willing to help someone else at a risk to yourself do so, but don't just stand there and watch someone else be beaten, robbed or raped while you stand around and video tape it.

Sometimes in order to be a better person, you may have to take a leap of faith, put yourself in harms way and help someone else.  Call 911, put the phone down and get involved when and if you can.

Joshua - The Type Leader We Need Today ! - The Perfect Executive Order !

Yesterday, I caught bits and pieces of our President as he spoke to the nation concerning gun laws and safety.  He cried from anger like a defiant child trying to make a point to get his way.  While I don't necessarily disagree with some of his points, I almost always disagree with his methods.

Chicago, his hometown has one of the highest murder rates in the country.  What did he do to correct this problem when he lived there?  Gang banger's don't follow the rational channel and processes for purchasing guns.  The mentally ill go unnoticed until tragedy strikes.  The lost children in our schools and homes continue to hid behind their doors, locked in a world of darkness, bullied by their peers for for being different.  Parents are afraid to report questionable activities in the neighborhood because their kids might not like them any more.

NO ONE WANTS BE RESPONSIBLE !!!

What changed in our world?  One thing for sure is we have moved from leaders of great character and faith to leaders of very questionable morals and no faith.  When it is acceptable for the leader of the free world to practice adultery in the very rooms of nation's capital, when it is acceptable for our leaders to focus more on themselves than on the people the represent, when it is acceptable for our leaders to lie, steal and cheat their way into our bank accounts, our lives and our homes......chaos happens.  When we allow, vote for and continue to recognize bad behavior in our leaders rather than standing up for our beliefs and principles, we have failed as much as the leaders.

I pray for the day our nation will once again have a Joshua Leader.  Joshua was a brilliant military leader and a strong spiritual influence.  The key to his success was his submission to God.  When God spoke, Joshua listened and obeyed.  His obedience served as a model.  As a result, his people were faithful to God throughout his lifetime.

What would happen in our nation if our leaders got down on their knees and prayed to be like Joshua before they ever opened their mouths, acted or lashed out at others?  We need to pray for our leaders to be confident in God's strength, courageous in the face of opposition and willing to seek God's advice.

We can make a great difference in the leadership of our nation.  We don't have to wait till election day, we can begin today and pray earnestly for our nation's leaders.  Daily prayers lifted up to Abba to provide guidance, a moral compass, compassion, honesty and so much more.

Don't delay your involvement and your chance to make a difference.  Start praying today !!!!

Fried Hog Jowl and Black Eyed Peas !!! Happy New Year 2016

Fried Hog Jowl and Black Eyed Peas, it's what's for breakfast at our home today.  Why ?    Her name was Grannie Ralston and she taught me so many wonderful things when I was working at Springdale Memorial Hospital way back when.  She was my mentor, teacher, friend and guidance counselor.

She ran the hospital on the 11-7 shift and took me under her wings to teach and mold me into a nurse and person she could be proud of.  She was the first person to feed me black eyed peas and hog jowl on New Year's Eve back in 1976.  It was pot-luck at the hospital and she said no matter what, "you should eat this the first thing of the day for your new year to start out right."

Not sure if it works, but she imparted so many words of wisdom on me that I bought into it.  Every year there after, we had black eyed peas first thing.

So today, I fondly remember my sweet, sweet friend Grannie Ralston and as I eat these wonderful little black-eyed peas I will thank GOD that He put this amazing woman in my life.  She taught me so much more than traditions and I cherish the memory of her.

Happy New Year !!!